I am nostalgic.
Like, watching the same holiday, made for t.v. movies year after year and loving them only more, reminiscing with friends about the same shinanagins we reminisced about in high school and, well, pretty much any other ridiculousness you can imagine.
Basically, I'm a sap and love to let any situation overwhelm me with memories, good or bad, that have helped shape who I am.
Dorky, yes. But I guess that's me, take it or leave it.
Tonight while I was sorting through some stuff on our dresser, I came across the little handout that we received at a friend's funeral. His picture featuring the wide, toothy grin I remember so well and it even captured the sparkle in his eyes that always made it look like he was smiling.
I couldn't help but join him.
I took a moment to sit and reflect.
His name was Eric. He was my little sister's best friend in the entire world. He suffered a very tragic end to a life that never seemed to be under his control. He and my sister were like two little lost souls who, instead of finding the rest of the world, found each other.
He was like a member of my family. My parent's loved that kid like he was their own - he was referred to by everyone as my "brotha from another motha" which always made me laugh. He was such a neat freak, it was hilarious. He loved great big old man cars and could always be found making his latest find shiny and clean. He was a kind, loving person who laughed from his soul and hugged like no one I've ever met.
We were all devastated when we heard he was gone. And even now, I'm surprised at how often I see a big, land yacht of a car driving down the road and wonder if it's him.
Every time we pass the spot where he lost control of his car, I can't help but mouth the words, "you little shit!" as if saying them out loud would change what happened.
It's been nearly 5 months since the accident, and I know that time may dull the pain, but it will never really be gone. After all, the pain that we carry with us helps make us stronger.
As I sit here, on the edge of the holiday season, pining for all those memories of yesteryear, I know that this Christmas will be a little bit different. I'll hug my loved ones a little big tighter, tell them I love them more often and take in the sights, sounds and smells that help make the holiday season so special. You never know when it will all be over.